I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
