i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
