hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
