Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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