you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my shit smells like andre
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
