I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
