i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
