you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize