when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
