The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
