Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
