hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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