You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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