I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
