Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
