I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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