On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
