well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
