I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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