the day after is always just damage control
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You ruined the universe
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
