Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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