i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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