Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
