he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
