Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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