People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
