You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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