It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
