Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
