Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
