Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
