i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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