so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
