Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
