Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
