Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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