I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
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I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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