So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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