I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
