community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
