My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
