just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
