our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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