when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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