If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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