My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
