need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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