He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
