I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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