i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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