I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
