Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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