I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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