You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
