It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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