I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
