A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
