Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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