I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
