If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
