this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
