dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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