Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
