He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
