his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
