Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
