The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize