Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
