Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
soo... how was my night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
