He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
