I love black thongs
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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