why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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