You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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